October 2, 2012
PitchOn Entry: SUPERTEENS IN TRAINING
Hey gang! My feedback is below the pitch. Please comment on this post with your own suggestions. (And see yesterday's post if you have no idea what I'm talking about! While you're at it, take a few minutes to critique the pitch in yesterday's post as well!)
Title: SUPERTEENS IN TRAINING
Genre: YA urban fantasy with sci-fi elements
Word count: 54,000
Pitch: When five sixteen-year-old girls of various races discover their awesome elemental powers, they think of themselves as superheroes. However, normal superheroes aren’t distracted by hot dates and mall shopping when dark forces from another planet want to destroy them. It’ll take more than sexy costumes and kick-ass fighting skills for these girls to defeat their enemies; only their bond makes them stronger than any other force in the universe.
I think it' s a good idea to pick either urban fantasy or sciifi for your genre. I've read in various places that agents prefer it. For what it's worth....this sounds more sci-fi to me.
Can you be a little more specific about the plot? What kind of dark forces want to destroy them? And is it THEM specifically that have to be destroyed? And why? (I'm guessing because they're so powerful?) Is it their lives that are at stake, or their powers?
I don't think you need so much detail in the first sentence...it's probably not absolutely essential to note that there are five of them and that they're from various races.
Basically- I'd just like a clearer picture of who or what exactly is threatening them, and what stakes are involved. It sounds like a fun story and I like the voice in this pitch a lot. The idea of superheroes who struggle with typical teenage girl angst is hilarious!